The 37-Minute Stand-Up
I am shifting my weight from the left foot to the right, feeling the thin, industrial carpet tiles compress under my heels. The fluorescent hum overhead is syncopated with the rhythmic, irritating tapping of a pen against a mahogany table-a table we aren’t even supposed to be sitting at because this is officially a ‘stand-up.’ We have been here for 37 minutes. Gary, our Scrum Master-who was a Senior Project Manager exactly 17 days ago-is hovering over a digital board that looks like a neon game of Tetris. He is asking Sarah why her ticket is still in ‘In Progress.’ Sarah is explaining, for the 7th time this week, that she is waiting on the API credentials from the security team. Gary nods, taps a stylus against his tablet, and then moves to the next person on the screen. He is not removing blockers; he is collecting data points for a report that 27 people will receive and 0 people will actually read.
At 2:07 am this morning, I was standing on a rickety kitchen chair trying to silence a smoke detector that had decided to chirp every 47 seconds. I replaced the battery, a $$7 ritual performed in the dark with blurry eyes, only to realize that the detector itself was 17 years old and essentially a